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Are we now in an age where being selfish is positively encouraged? Is this ‘era of me’ one in which putting the needs of others first is old-fashioned at best and misguided at worst, and the concept of sacrifice met with incomprehension rather than praise?

I ask this because I’ve been struck lately by the many articles that centre on the words ‘you’ and ‘your’. Headlines like ‘Maximise Your Potential’, ‘Your Best Tips for a Great Life!’ not to mention articles such as ‘Learning to Say No!’, ‘Who’s Holding You Down?’ and ‘Achieving Your Dreams’.

The advice given in all the articles suggest that when we achieve our dreams/goals/targets and maximise our potential, everything will be right with the world and with those around us.

The ‘Me’ Era

Now while there’s nothing wrong with looking after oneself (I am a great advocate of the view that you should ‘wear your oxygen mask’ first so you can be strong enough to take care of others) or with having dreams, when your dream comes at someone else’s expense, is it still worth having?

I recently read that scientist have found a way to create a baby in vitro so that it has three parents. Why would a child need three parents, you may ask? The idea behind the research was not to relieve tired mothers by creating another source of childcare, but to screen out hereditary diseases that a potential parent would not wish to pass on to their offspring.

While this leap in technology may be the answer to the dreams of people who would otherwise remain childless, will fulfilling their dream be at the expense of a child who must contend with three biological parents? While all innovation entails risk, without knowing the impact of this level of genetic modification, is the gratification of those who benefit worth the risk to the child?

“When your dream comes at someone else’s expense, is it still worth having?”

It does make you wonder. Having several parental figures is one thing, particularly in our age of blended families. However, being the genetic product of three people who might presumably have equal rights or access to a child may not be so easy to deal with, raising the question of how quickly societal attitudes, and even laws, can keep abreast of technological advances.

Reading a news article about the tragic story of a woman who died after falling off the side of a mountain she was attempting to climb and leaving behind three young children, it was interesting how the number of commentators who applauded her for dying in pursuit of her dream far outnumbered those who condemned her as selfish and irresponsible. Rightly or wrongly, in this era of me, parents chase their dreams, leaving their offspring to deal with the consequences; partners chase their dreams, leaving their spouses literally holding the baby; and everybody chases the lottery, the ultimate opportunity to realise dreams without having to earn them.

‘The Rise of Selfishness’

The increase in the selfishness quotient of society has been noted and documented by commentators for decades. 20-odd years ago, in his book ‘The Rise of Selfishness in America’, James Lincoln Collier explored how, within 50 years, a prudish, hardworking, God-fearing country like America became “a society of hedonists and narcissists addicted to drugs, alcohol, television, sports, vacations, gossip, fast cars, and slow work” (in no particular order).

Writing at the time, Collier attributed the triumph of the sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll ethic in part to the prosperity that followed World War II. He also blamed ‘television, the human-potential movement, and the sapping of American morale in the wake of Vietnam and Watergate’.

Ironically, in today’s world, where we are connected by the internet and an incredible array of technological gadgets, our connections to and care for each other seem to be falling by the wayside. As we tap away on our phone screens, how often do we lift our heads from our devices to really connect with each other? How present are we in the company of others while listening out for the ping of a new message?

Looking after Number 1

In my role as an Executive Coach, I help people articulate their dreams and take concrete action towards realising those dreams. Doing so requires stripping away the expectations others have of you and for you, allowing you to see what you want for yourself.

The trick is finding a balance in what works for you but doesn’t crush someone else. Wearing your oxygen mask first only makes sense when the person you are caring for isn’t gasping their last breath. Because, at the end of the day, achieving your dream becomes meaningless when there’s no-one with whom to share it.

Founder & Managing Editor, ReConnect Africa

* This article has been updated from an earlier version