Everyone knows most meetings are a waste of time, so don't bother to read any notes that may have been sent round beforehand - you can probably pick things up easily enough as they go along.

Be late.

Spread your papers on the table, rustle them as much as you like, and doodle over all the most important bits.

When it's boring, yawn audibly, and pick your fingernails while other people are speaking. Or have a chat to the person next to you. In fact, feel free whether it's boring or not.

Take your sandwiches in and unwrap them as noisily as possible. If you've forgotten your sandwiches, place the biscuits where you can get at them whenever you want and everyone else just has to gaze at them wistfully.

Feel free to shoot other people down in flames when they express opinions - and jump in as soon as you like; you can always guess more or less what they're going to say so there's no need to let other people hear it. (If someone shoots you down in flames, sulk.)

If an argument breaks out, practise topping everyone vocally, adding emphasis by wagging or jabbing your finger at the offending parties. And then tell the Chair to shut them up - after all, it's not your responsibility to make the meeting go well.

It's best to begin any questions with an exasperated sigh and the words "I suppose...," followed by the most negative assumption possible - e.g. "I suppose you're going to keep us all here until after five o'clock?" rather than "What time are we aiming to finish?"

If you're a smoker, make a lot of fuss about needing cigarette breaks. If you're a non-smoker, make a lot of fuss about people who need cigarette breaks.

If things get really dull, have a nice little kip.